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NGOs Could Swear Palestinian Veto of Arab-Israel Normalization Enshrined In Law

“It’s all political, and if an Arab country wants to normalize, they can just do it? That can’t be.”

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Hamas Asks, ‘What Point Of Sukkah If Not To Keep Weapons Near Kids?’

“You don’t exploit that crowded situation to turn the wife, kids, and sisters into human shields? What kind of warped thinking is that?

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Man Torn Between Wanting Return To Normal And Having Excuse Not To Go To Shul

“I’m not looking forward to when things open up and my wife starts asking why I’m not going.”

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Khamenei Disappointed Not To Be Named Part Of Biden Transition Team

The Ayatollah grew to think he established almost a birthright to shape US Iran policy during the Obama administration.

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Hanukkah Light Sends Paul Revere On False-Alarm Ride

“Oops,” he muttered. “Awkward. My bad.”

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Palestinians Hoping Biden Will Remind Jews Not To Be So Goddamn Sovereign

“If the Jews of Israel want to live a normal existence, they have to forfeit the security that everyone needs in order to live a normal existence.”

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God Fails To Get J Street’s Approval Before Promising Land To Jacob

Ben-Ami insisted that American Jewry in general, but especially his organization, must have a say in what happens from "the River of Egypt to the River Euphrates."

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Ahashverosh Enlists J-Street To Oppose Temple Reconstruction

In honor of SHushan Purim: Ben-Ami’s organization rose to combat the common misperception that the Jews give monolithic support to their own redemption and restoration.

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Woman Who Boasts House Already Clean For Pesach Thinks People Admire Her, Not...

Reactions included numerous “Likes” in which the irony failed to resonate.

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Soccer and Parkour OK On Temple Mount; Muslims Worried About Jews Desecrating...

Presumptuous of Jews to think they can be not under Islamic domination.

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Gov’t: Jewish Prayer On Temple Mount More Dangerous Than Agricultural...

“Let me say it again: JEWS. PRAYING. You can just feel the existential threat.”

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Police Assure Lod Jews Pogrom Anti-Zionist, NOT Antisemitic

"All the unrest you have experienced this week is merely anti-Zionist, and you may therefore unburden yourselves of the anxiety over antisemitism.”

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Gaza Mourns 6′ Tall, Bearded Kindergartener Killed By Israel

He met his end in a tunnel that IAF jets pounded with bombs the Thursday night before last, along with six other Palestinian toddlers in their twenties

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Everything You Don’t Like Now Called Apartheid

Following HRW expansion of the term’s application, things that are Apartheid now include lawn maintenance and jelly-filled donuts.

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Police Suggest Jews Wear Special Yellow Stars For Protection

Spotting Jews will become a matter of seconds, rather than having to ask around, which can waste precious minutes during an altercation in which a Jew might defend himself.

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Islamic Leaders Worried They May Have Missed A Jewish Shrine To Appropriate

A development that threatens the absolute nature of Islam’s inevitable dominance in Islamist theology.

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Gov’t Runs Out Of Ways To Explain Ban On Temple Mount Jewish Prayer Without...

“If we do our jobs and have to face the violent mob, people might get killed and we might lose our jobs, which would be the biggest tragedy of all.”

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My New Job: Running Nursing Homes And Girls’ Schools For The NY Jewish Community

Every man needs purpose, and I believe I have found a purpose that will propel me to my next pursuit: management of eldercare facilities and hands-on administration of female educational institutions...

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Squad Discovers Its Candidates Lose Elections When Opponents Allowed To Run

“The problem is there are other people running against our people.”

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Rejecting My Jewish Heritage In The Face Of Antisemitism Will Work *THIS* Time

Best of Luck

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Family Makes Aliyah Just To Escape All-Pervasive Christmas Music

While acknowledging Zionism in their upbringings, they talked mainly of getting the hell out of the discordant dystopia.

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Biden Announces He Identifies As Black; All Criticism Therefore Racist

Mainstream media sources rushed to assist.

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Amusement Park Admits: Overbooked Group Visits Just To Ruin Your Family’s Trip

“Frustration for a family that has to wade through throngs of misbehaving day-campers just to miss a shot at a bad stuffed imitation of a popular animated character… that’s what it’s all about.”

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Lapid Worried He Bombed Gaza Too Long Before Election To Affect Vote

The silence of his left-wing partners and the sympathetic media challenges his efforts to link himself to the operation in the minds of potential voters.

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Only Possible Conclusion From Unpopularity Of Party’s Ideas: Voters Stupid

“Essentially, the people are wrong for thinking Palestinians trying to kill us means we shouldn’t give Palestinians greater capacity to kill us,” explained Chairwoman Zahava Gal-On.

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Palestinians Warn Annexation Will Spark Same Constant Attempts To Kill Jews...

“Those consequences will be hard to discern unless we specify them, because they will consist of the same continued attempts to rid the territory between the River and the Sea of Jews.”

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2050 CE: Annexation Any Day Now, Assures Bibi

“I think he means it,” argued Yesha Freier of the nationalist Jewish Right at Home Party.

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Nation That Colonized Half Of World Warns Jews NOT To Assert Control Over Own...

UK and EU opposition, though by no means unified, comes against the backdrop of two thousand years of European and other dominant powers trying to prevent Jewish sovereignty anywhere.

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COVID Guidelines Almost As Coherent As Case For Palestinian Statehood

“We find slightly more support for the idea that Israel should rely on existential enemies to help guarantee its security.”

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Jews Worthy Of Third Temple For Centuries Already; Bureaucracy, Contractor...

"certain unnamed contractors who continue to claim they need fees to cover various zoning variances and building permits for the Third Temple and other, associated facilities, when in fact no such fees...

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Israelis Can’t Wait To Spread Obnoxious Tourist Reputation To UAE, Oman, Bahrain

Israeli travelers took to focusing on what they do best while out of the country: making themselves and their countrymen look like spoiled, whiny, provincial ingrates.

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Report: Unwrapping Reason for Poor Showing By Arab Parties in Election

They Spent Campaign Funds On Candy To Celebrate Dead Jews

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You Zionists Are Trying To Kidnap What We Arabs Have Rightfully Stolen

Florin from the Princess Bride visits (in words) the Kingdom of the Jews

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Court-Ordered to Fire Minister Deri, Bibi to Nominate Him as Supreme Court...

"Aryeh, I see you on the court, bringing to bear a sensibility that those cloistered, wealthy 'intellectuals' could never muster."

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Corrupt Elite Fears Losing Control Of Courts To Different Corrupt Elite

“Ours is the noble kind of corruption. The democratic kind. Theirs is the fascist kind.” Jerusalem, February 9 – A proposed ...

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Unsold Purim Costumes Repackaged As Passover ‘Cereal’

The complete lack of food ingredients makes Rabbinate certification as kosher-for-Passover a formality.

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Iranian Saboteurs Outed By Showing Up To Synagogue On Time

An eyebrow-raising violation of established custom.

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Effort To Drive Jews Into Sea Refocuses On Hacking Waze To Point Toward...

Waze began as an Israeli startup; the poetry of the history is not lost on the proposal's proponents.

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Umm El-Fahm School Nixes Program To Distribute Candy When Jews Die; Only...

Market realities dictate the dominance of Jewish-owned companies.

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Aid Orgs Warn Of Low Supply Of ‘PRESS’ Vests For Hamas Personnel

Medical uniforms also hard to come by.

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